Why the next door matters more than shared interests
You have probably explained your interest by his personality: he was attentive, easy to talk to. But if you look at who was even in the running, the circle is narrow: coworkers from your floor, classmates from the same group, people at the gym you go to on Tuesdays.
In the late 1940s, psychologists surveyed residents of student housing for families about which neighbors they considered close. The buildings were identical, apartments were assigned almost randomly, yet friendships still followed the corridors. Neighbors through the wall were called close several times more often than residents at the far end of the same corridor.
It was not about the distance in meters itself. People whose doors opened onto the stairs and shared walkways had noticeably more acquaintances: everyone passed by them. This was called functional distance: what matters is not how far you walk, but how often you run into each other.
What turns chance encounters into attraction
Distance itself does not feel anything. What works is a chain that is almost invisible from the inside.
Meet without choosing. You end up in the same place not because either of you planned it: the schedule, route, or floor.
Their face feels familiar. Each time, your brain recognizes him faster and uses less effort; according to the main explanation, it reads this ease as “safe.”
Expectation appears. You know you will see the person again and start looking in advance for what is convenient about them: it pays to get along with someone who will be around for a while.
A reason appears. Your shared context supplies topics on its own: a broken elevator, the same professor, the coffee line.
Liking is explained afterward. The feeling is already there, and you find a reason for it: interesting, calm, one of your own.
That is why attraction can seem sudden. Only the final step becomes noticeable, while the first four unfold in the background for weeks.
When frequent encounters do not help
The proximity effect has been found in different studies, but its strength clearly depends on the conditions. Repetition strengthens the attitude that has already formed. If someone annoys you from the start, regular encounters make the irritation stronger, not softer. And proximity has long stopped being measured in meters: a shared work chat, calls, and messages provide the same repetition without a shared corridor. It is still unclear how equivalent such encounters are to in-person ones: there is little data.
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Sources
- Festinger, Schachter, Back. "Social Pressures in Informal Groups" (1950) - Westgate West housing project study. Zajonc (1968) - the mere-exposure effect